Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

Getting the opportunity to review your submission interested me since we've crossed paths a number of times in WdC plus this is a contest I've entered on many occasions. I became curious how you'd approach one of their prompt words!


- - Kudos - -
- - I enjoy pieces that incorporate figurative language as you have here. Metaphors are a higher more sophisticated level, I believe, when it comes to figures of speech, and you incorporated some skillfully. Your imagery is also strong.
- - Nice use of a continued water imagery in the last line and a bit of hyperbole with the reference to the "ocean torrent" in the speaker's "indoor pool".
- - You successfully created a 'mind movie' in the mind of this reader and succeeded in making me feel badly for the narrator.


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -

"Stormy, soggy day" - - "swiss cheese house" - - "Ocean torrent--indoor pool"


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
ALLITERATION - -
         Line 1: So glad you started off with some figurative language in line one! . . . "Stormy, soggy..."
IMAGERY - -
         Line 1: I found your Line 1 to contain imagery that was both visual and tactile. I think the word choice
                    of "soggy" over other options such as "wet" or "damp" was strong and evoked more of a tactile response.
         Line 2: more visual imagery
         Line 3: Very creative use of the reference to "swiss cheese" - it strikes this reader as metaphorical and
                   creates a great/strong visual image!
         Line 4 also begins with a metaphorical feel. - - also a bit of hyperbole with the "ocean torrent"
                   reference ... it works well


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
No issues with spelling, punctuation, etc.
I did wonder why the double dash between "torrent" and "indoor", but it had no negative effect on this very strong piece!


Again, well done! I feel a shiver of cold and damp even now as I read it again and wrap up this review. Nice job!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers

RRodgersWrites





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .