Hello there!

We are both participating in the "I Write in 2019" Activity, and I just posted one of my contest entries right after your post. Therefore, I will be reviewing this particular piece of your writing. This is what brought me to your work.

I typically like to point out that I'm no professional or expert, and that you can do as you wish with the feedback I provide. Ultimately, it is your decision what is best for you and your writing. My suggestions are given in friendship/camaraderie and with a hope to help us all grow closer to being the best writers we can be.

This piece quite descriptive and relatable. Well done.


- - Kudos - -
- - You chose a wonderfully memorable moment for most parents and also for most children. This made it very relatable and enjoyable. This created a strong hook and made me want to keep reading.
- - Great description of emotions
- - Strong use of metaphor, personification, alliteration, imagery,... - - I LOVE pieces with extensive incorporation of figurative language
- - Interesting shape to the last stanza


- - Favorite, unique, compelling word choice and/or phrases - -
"...spin her away on a merry-go-round / of dazzling metal spokes..."
"...while tinkling bell shrieks with frantic delight."
"her lance... / / ...into Danger’s amorphous embrace she charges, / / ...Death on one side, Disaster the other,"
"feet finding a faster flurry of blur,"
"where once I was the one / running alongside with ready, open arms, / heart leaping at every wobble."
"unsure whether to let her headwind / throw my balding head back / and laugh as she grows / impossibly small / or pray as I / let her / go."


- - Imagery / Figures of Speech / Figurative Language - -
IMAGERY - -
         SOUND - -
                   L1: screams - - L8: "tinkling bell shrieks with frantic delight" - - L25: "laugh as she grows / impossibly small"
         VISUAL / SIGHT - -
                   L1: "She lets go" - - L2: "her sparkling hair streams" - - L3: "clinging on tight" - - L5: "tubes of skinny black rubber" - -
                   L6/7: "spin her away on a merry-go-round of dazzling metal spokes" - - L9: "perched high on slender leather seat" - -
                   L10: "set upon skeletal frame of steel --" - - L14: "feet finding a faster flurry of blur," - -
                   L18-L20: "where once I was the one / running alongside with ready, open arms, / heart leaping at every wobble." - -
                   L24: "throw my balding head back" - - L27-L29: "or pray as I / let her / go."
         TACTILE - -
                   L21: "I chase until it hurts too much to swallow" - - L24: "throw my balding head back" - -
                   L27-L29: "or pray as I / let her / go."
PERSONIFICATION - -
         L4: "terrified skin" - - L8: "tinkling bell shrieks" - - L8: "with frantic delight" - - L10: "set upon skeletal frame of steel --" - -
                   L13: "Danger’s amorphous embrace" - - L15/16: "Death on one side, Disaster the other,/ waiting to catch her..."
ALLITERATION - -
         L5: "Twin tubes" - - L14: "feet finding a faster flurry..."
METAPHOR - -
         L6/7: "spin her away on a merry-go-round of dazzling metal spokes"


- - Questions and/or Room for Improvement - -
None, really . . . spelling, capitalization, punctuation, etc., all correct and purposeful


Fun piece! It will rekindle many fond memories for your readers!


Keep writing!
Ruth Rodgers

RRodgersWrites





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .