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 Review #4482788 |
 | Amber's Strange Encounter  [E] A hi-profile case takes a turn for the worse for Amber and best friend, Belle.  |
| (3.5)  Hello there, Jeannie馃挄 This is an
I am also reviewing your item as a judge at "The Bard's Hall Contest" . Thank you for entering!   You did a fine job with the picture prompt. You chose a thriller/Mystery, which fit well with the picture. There is something unsettling about this simple picture that hints to a writer as well as a reader, someone is on an urgent mission. Mystery Aspect: Intriguing set-up for a mystery to unfold.  Believably: There are a couple bumps along the way regarding the lawyer and her decision to make her case fail. Yeah, she didn't go through with it, but I'm sure her actions would have brought down some wrath upon her career. The visit to the judge came a bit late in the game. I know, she was in fear of her friend's life. However, blackmail is a merciless crime with no beneficial ending. Observations: A man met ma [me] at the door, and guided me to where Anderson and his group were gathered. "We need all the good lawyer[s] we can get!" "No way!" I glared [at] him "I've been working hard on this case, and my client is going down for murdering those innocent twin girls." This lawyer sounds like a prosecutor, which means she is working for the State, not a personal attorney for the defendant. If she were a defense lawyer and was trying to "lose" the case for her client, she'd be disbarred. It is up to the district attorney's office to present evidence of guilt and prove it beyond a reasonable doubt showing the defendant committed the crime. (And for a defense attorney to zealously defend her client.)  The ending wrapped-up quickly because you were running out of words within the strict word count for the contest. I believe much of the time wasted on the being late, and taking a shower, the dialogue between Amber and Bella, could have been decreased, and just have her showing up at the library, exchanging greetings with her good friend enough so that the reader knows they are close. The intrigue could start behind the book shelves and begin the mystery from that point. Get the reader feeling a sense of something's not quite right, here.  It's a complicated plot to try to cover within 2000 words. It would, however, make for a noteworthy longer story where the characters would be fleshed-out thus allowing the reader the opportunity to get to know the character and visualize her better.But hey, you did it! You took a fairly plain photo and let your muse guide you into quite a mysterious story with complicated issues, awaiting discovery by the reader as the story unfolded. This was tough to do within the word count limit.  OH, THE POSSIBILITIES: This mystery begs to be lengthened and perhaps find itself in a novella or book. There is enough going on in it to be able to do that. Might be an idea worth considering when NaNo Writing Month comes around.  Nonetheless, you created a creepy story revolving around this particular picture prompt -- you did send some spine tingling chills to the reader, that shocked the conscious!  Nice thriller with tons of potential!  Until next time--write on! Regards, WebWitch   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 05/03/2019 @ 10:53am EDT