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 Review #4481355 |
 | The Side of Paradise  [E] Watching dawn from the beach  |
| (4.0)| Hi Detective My name is Ken and I saw this posted at "I Write in 2019" as the next in line. 😁 It is my pleasure to both read and provide feedback on your work "The Side of Paradise" as a member of and on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers" .✨ First Impression/Thoughts: OK. It took me a moment to get that you were weaving famous novel titles into each verse to create your poem.  Yeah, "The Grapes of Wrath" should have been a dead giveaway but with free verse, you just never know. 😄 I'm curious to know why? Is this a contest entry or just something that inspired you? It's always helpful to add writer's notes which can be done using a dropnote such as:Notes ▼ Just a thought... ✨ Creativity/Impact: I think your approach was excellent and I think many will find that your words resonate. That you incorporated the titles while maintaining a cohesive storyline - brilliant. Very creative. ✨ Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I wandered through your words 😁. 🔹 Title - "The Side of Paradise." I thought your title was interesting. 😄 After reading your poem, I wondered if you meant "This Side of Paradise." "The Side..." seemed a bit awkward. The "teaser" line (a.k.a. description) offers you an opportunity to add some clarification and can also be a great tool to attract more readers. I was pleased to see that you used it to amplify and set up the scenario for your poem. Well done. 🔹 Grammar/Wording - Great word choice! Your descriptive words to build images in the reader's mind. I saw nothing in error. Just a thought - in Verse 3 you use "gold" and "golden" which seemed a bit repetitive. "A fiery glow" or "gilds the ocean waves" gives you the color but a bit more dramatically. 🔹 Form/Flow - This was written in free verse. Its popularity stems from the belief that free verse is poetry without rules; after all, it doesn't rhyme (often 😄), and it doesn't have a meter. However, what separates poetry from prose is the arrangement of carefully chosen words into verses. Free verse done well will have rhythm, though it may not have a regular beat. There may be patterns of sound and repetition. Free verse can be compared to a song that doesn't rhyme. There is still a lyric quality to it. As Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I could see the poetry in this. Well done. As with all poetry, the key is found in emotional content. As Robert Frost said, "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words." I could see poetry in this unique work. ✨ Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:  A very entertaining read. Thank you for sharing your journey of creativity, imagination, and talent with me today.Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more. Keep writing! Wishing you all the best, Ken ** Image ID #1947700 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/25/2019 @ 12:04am EDT