Hi Dominique

I've just finished reading your short story, "Invalid Item" , and I'd like to offer the following comments. This review is in affiliation with "The Rockin' Reviewers" , and it is a part of "I Write in 2019" .

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: What a beautiful love story. As I read, I got completely caught up in Angelo's love for Gabriella. It is sweet and tender and so pure. I really wanted him to be able to end up with Gabriella, taking care of her forever.

Plot: Quite simply, this is the love story of Angelo and Gabriella. He is her guardian angel, who wasn't supposed to fall in love with her. She; a young woman who has no idea she is being protected. I love the idea for this plot. It's original, and I wish I'd thought of it myself! The characters—Angelo, in particular—are so likeable and relatable. They draw the reader into the story and ensure we read to the end. The question hanging over the whole story is: Will Angelo be able to stay with Gabriella forever and if he can, will she freak out at the thought of this supernatural being, or will she love him, too? I'm so glad it works out well in the end. I did wonder why Yadum didn't know Angelo's connection with Nickoli wouldn't work. He must have encountered this before. I also wondered what changed to break that connection. I think it was the part where Angelo cried. It made him partly human and, maybe, strengthened his connection with Gabriella.

What I really liked: The warmth I felt at the end of the story. It's a real feel-good ride. I love how the ring on Angelo's finger is his means of communicating with and travelling between worlds. More specifically, I loved this part: "She races toward her phone and hops over her bed to reach it, jumping through me along the way." That made me chuckle. Nice supernatural atmosphere. I also love this part: "Tears trickle down my face for the first time as an angel. It feels strange and oddly human." Beautiful description. It brought a lump to my throat.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions, so I've put them in this dropnote ...

Grammar Suggestions/Typos ▼

Suggestions: I only have one suggestion, and that is to add one word to the end of the story: "Always." So, it would read, "'Of course.' I lift her chin and kiss her. 'Always.'"

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed this story. It's intriguing, filled with love and has a happy ending. What more could anyone ask for? Great work and beautiful writing.

Keep writing!

Choconut



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .