\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
◄     December     ►
1969
SMTWTFS
 
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
Archive RSS
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477205
Review #4477205
Viewing a review of:
Image Protector
Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond Open in new Window. [13+]
This book holds the items for the contest I enter in 2019, 2020, and beyond.
by Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Proof of God" Open in new Window.
Review by Shaye Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating Author Icon,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece Proof of God from Snow's Writing for 2019, 2020, & Beyond Open in new Window. in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window..

Title: An interesting title as, without it, the meaning of the poem would be ambiguous, and the reader would be left to draw their own conclusion. Whilst I understand the name, and why you've chosen it, I imagine this could be even better with a title that's broader, and lets the reader draw their own thoughts and meanings from it.

First Impression: An interesting poem, showing how God is in the abstract, and yet still so vividly in many people's hearts.

Form: I did a quick double-check on the syllable count, and you've nailed it, so great job here! I enjoy writing poems that are syllable-limited, but it can also definitely be a challenge. Especially when you think of one word, but it won't fit where it needs to. You've done well to make sure you stick within the limits but also create a poem that makes sense, and also likely has an emotional appeal to those that are religious.

Word Choice: In a short poem, especially, every word counts. Each word has to work to deliver the message or emotion. I found your use of unincarnated interesting for 2 reasons. To me, it sounds like it should be a word. Yet, it's not. I've checked and this word doesn't exist in any dictionary, which is a shame, because it should be a word. Despite the fact there seems to be no official definition, it still somehow made sense to me. I completely understood its meaning. It's also the longest word you've got here, and you've used up 5 of your precious syllable to write it. Just something to think about. The word works but doesn't exist according to the dictionary. That's a new one on me.

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here!

Closing Thoughts: Overall, I enjoyed this poem, and whilst I'm not religious, I did understand it's meaning. Good luck in the contest, and maybe you see again at "I Write in 2019" Open in new Window.!

Lorraine


** Image ID #2030559 Unavailable **

Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 03/30/2019 @ 4:38pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4477205