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Review #4477177
Viewing a review of:
I Write In 2019 and 2024 to....  Open in new Window. [13+]
Lots of creative pursuits in 2019 and more in 2024 and beyond.
by 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Thoughts Tumble" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
}Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author IconMail Icon, this review is for the I Write in 2019 challenge. Congratulations on completing another week!

General Impressions
I love the word usage in this, the imagery created is excellent! I love how you've given concrete details to thoughts - it really solidified them in my mind like real things, and thus making me really feel the anguish of having thoughts be so jumbled.

Favorite Part
"Thoughts tumble"
Great use of language, simple, direct, but so vivid.

Suggestions for improvement
Unfortunately, my syllable counter tells me this only has 21 syllables instead of the required 24 so I fear disqualification if that's not fixed. Here's a handy tool I use for syllables: https://syllablecounter.net/count

The good news is you have some room to play with this some more! I can't wait to see how you add to and improve this.

Also, using freely in here, although it gives you a double syllable count, really should be just "free" IMHO. The adverb really weakens the language there. Making that change gives you 4 more syllables to work with!

Rating Explanation
I've given this a 4.0 for excellent use of language. If you'd like me to review again, I'm happy to do so after you've edited.

Write on, friend! Remember: As long as you're writing, you're succeeding!
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