Hello,

Thank you for sharing your poem. Overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. I do, however have some suggestions for you.

First off, I like the subject matter of your poem. There are some areas of your poem that are difficult to understand due to flow issues. I would read your poem out loud and you will be able to catch these issues.

In some instances, your wording is a little off. The first stanza is a good example of this.

"Perverted branches
Grab at my clothes
Handfuls of hair
To keep for their own"

I like the "perverted branches / grab at my clothes." The "handfuls of hair / To keep for their own" is kind of confusing. Where do the "handfuls of hair" come from? The "perverted branches / grab at my clothes" not the composer's "hair."

The second stanza is also confusing for the same reason. The composer does not explain "that sound" or where it comes from, or even what it is. Also, what is "gaining"? You refer to a lot of things in this stanza but the reader gets lost trying to figure it out.

This is a common theme throughout your poem. I understand that the composer is describing what he or she sees. I think that the poem would read better if it was more universal. The poem is much too personal. In other words, take out the words "me", "my", and "I". This is just my personal opinion.

The imagery you use is good. As I said early, I liked the subject matter of your poem, but your poem does need some polishing up and clarity. It is very confusing stanza by stanza and as a whole.

Keep writing.

Tevye T. Garland



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .