Hello there! I came across your poem in the "Noticing Newbies" section. I enjoyed it and hope you don't mind me sharing me opinion. Please remember, I'm not a professional, I'm just a poetry lover.

I really think this poem has a lot of potential. You've got a couple of grammar issues, but those are easily corrected. Have you considered putting this in a more traditional poetry form? I think with your rhyme scheme, some structure would shape it up nicely. You've got great descriptions and I admire the way you've used literal imagery. Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the great work!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .