Hello there! I came across your poem in the "Noticing Newbies" section. I enjoyed it and hope you don't mind me sharing me opinion. Please remember, I'm not a professional, I'm just a poetry lover.

You've used great literal imagery to show the reader the dark corners of your mind. The first thing that I noticed is that the first two stanzas occur in the past tense, as you're imagining the scene, yet the in the third stanza, you switch to the present tense in the third line. Switching back and forth makes it read a little rough. I think the main reason I like this piece so much is because not many people admit to the dark thoughts that most everyone has at times. The free verse form you've used is a great tool for beginners, and you've done a good job. I have a couple of small suggestions for you to chew on: in the first line of the fourth stanza- maybe changing of the aroma to with the aroma and also in the next line, maybe changing limb to limbs. Again, these are just my thoughts. I appreciate the time you've taken to give us a glimpse of your world. Thank you for sharing this with us!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .