\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4405752
Review #4405752
Viewing a review of:
 For Five Hundred Open in new Window. [18+]
A game show contestant loses his temper in the throes of a 0 question.
by kristofer Author Icon
Review of For Five Hundred  Open in new Window.
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, Kris!

I found your item, "For Five Hundred" in today's Action/Adventure newsletter.

I really enjoyed reading the story of a game show contestant who became hung up on what might have been a simple question for someone else. The dialog, internal and otherwise, was lively and believable. I like the way you used the physiological responses to convey emotions. I also really appreciate your choice of font size and spacing. Readers are scarce enough, no need to make them work so hard once they find you. For such a short story, your characters have plenty of depth.

The piece was well written with regards to punctuation and grammar. I have no nitpicking to do. The only part you might consider revisiting is the first paragraph. It fits with the story, but doesn't seem to work as well with Eleanor's actions later on. I feel like the story would be just as strong without it, just jump right into the action.

Thanks for sharing your story!



** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/15/2018 @ 9:47pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4405752