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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4382696
Review #4382696
Viewing a review of:
 New Year, New Start  Open in new Window. [E]
Conversation between an old married couple.
by Autumn Moon Author Icon
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Bon jour, Autumn Moon!
This isn't bad for one of your 1st pieces on here, and doing it almost entirely in dialogue was good. A little challenging, but you succeeded for the most part.
I think we'd all like to go back and try to get back what was 'taken' from us when we were younger, so I can relate to poor John. Mary sees a little desperate to find support, but if she really wants to be a writer, then she should just do it whether she has anybody's support or not!
That's my take on it, anyway.
I like that ending, too. C'mon, Mary! He'll support you if just give (me) him a Hog! *Laugh*
Great spelling and grammar, but I did spot a few missing commas:
"What is(,) Mary?" (without the comma you're asking what Mary is, and I think we know she's a person, right? *Laugh*)
"Is that what your gonna try to do now(,) Mary?"
"I'm tired of working(,) John!"
"What(,) a pig and a dog?"
By the way, I almost went into 'crunching numbers' myself. I guess it's good money, but I'm glad I didn't.
Kee ponw ritin gon, my friend, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your biography set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite authors/books, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-Since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. to get a feel of Writing.Com and introduce yourself to the community!

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#1188309 by iKïyå§ama Author IconMail Icon

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