Hello Shade of Mirrors



Disclaimer:
These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and disregard the rest

The title is perfect. It works well with the story and it lives up to my expectations. It pulls the reader into the story.

The beginning of the story hooks the reader in and keeps the reader turning the page. The plot moves at a good pace. Great description of setting. Maybe give a name and a brief physical description of the main character. It would make the story more believable. Good ending to the story.

A couple suggestions:

I clung tighter. I shut my eyes. I listened to the sound of the feathers on her wings whistling through the wind.
There are a lot of "I". It is slowing the story down. I clung tighter, shut my eyes and listened . . .

The air smelled of flowers and herbs. Jasmine. I think it was jasmine this first time.
To cut down on word count - The air smelled of jasmine. Or Jasmine drifted through the air.



Thank you for sharing. I love your story and with a little tweaking it could be better.
Keep on writing.


Gypsy Ann

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .