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Review #4381755
Viewing a review of:
 Apollo Open in new Window. [E]
Finding home
by Amber Brand Author Icon
Review of Apollo  Open in new Window.
Review by Angus Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Aloha, Amber Brand!
This is a nice little piece about a cat finding a home out in the country, and although it seems a bit stiff, you still did a good job of writing it.
I like how you wrote it in the first person (makes it feel more personal), but some of the sentences were run-ons, meaning you didn't use any commas in this at all. And you used a lot more telling than showing. For more info on that, check out ""Telling" Vs. "Showing" - Part 1" Open in new Window.. I think if you added a few similes and metaphors to this it would be a little better.
The spelling and grammar were great, but I did spot one tiny niggle:
'...that the mouse were thick this fall.' (mice)
Otherwise, for your first piece on here, it's good.
Kee ponw ritin gon, Amber, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here!
PS-You might want to get your biography set up so we can know a little something more about you (hobbies, favorite authors/books, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course.
PPS-Since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" Open in new Window. to get a feel of Writing.Com and introduce yourself to the community!

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