Hi Girl Girl I am reviewing your story "Bitten" on the behalf of Game of Thrones here on WDC.

♥ This story is about a man and his fear of his spiders. The mans fear is so great that he builds his house up high far enough away that the spiders can not reach him. Well one day the man decides to venture to see his love interest and the spider chooses this time to seek his vengeance out on the man for ruining his spiderweb.

♥ Things I noticed/specific suggestions: There were quite a few errors contained within this short story and I feel like this writing would read better if it was broken into sections.

For example, "Once upon a time there was a middle aged man. He was extremely afraid of spiders. He was so paranoid, that he lived up high. High enough that they could not reach him well one day he was on his way to see his lady love, low and behold he had now idea that he was being followed."

I think the section would read better if it was written like so:

"Once upon time there was a middle aged man and he was afraid of spiders.

He was so paranoid that he lived up high. High enough so that they could not reach him. One day he was on his way to see his lady love, but low and behold he had no idea that he was being followed."

♥ Spelling/Grammar: I spotted a few common spelling and grammar errors, I believe their short needs another read through, and afterwords it would be a fantastic read.


This review was given freely in thanks for a writing that was written freely.



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