\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4350745
Review #4350745
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
You worked the prompt words in well and gave a good picture of Jean as she made her way through the story. I laughed so hard at the 'swarms of locusts' line she used in reference to the perfume counter women. That was a great visual.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
Good descriptions of the women spraying cologne everywhere and how stifling that can be. This happens a lot in the malls, so it was easy to picture that scene.

PLOT~
Jean hits the department store on a mission to see what's out there. She gets caught in the loop of the revolving door and it takes her three tries to get out of it. She is assaulted by women with perfume bottles making it difficult for her to breathe. Finally, she makes it to the top floor to her delight and is overcome by the assortment of shoes. She is quick to make notes in her mini recorder.

CHARACTER~
Jean makes notes of everything in the store that she liked since she's a secret shopper and paid to do so. What was even better was the fact that she intends to design her own shoe line and has spent time in that department seeing what the latest trends are.

DIALOG~
The dialog is mostly reminders that Jean says to herself, or into her recorder. I find myself doing the reminders to myself as well, so this worked for me.

TECHNICAL~
was a wonderland.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/12/2017 @ 3:05pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4350745