\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4350717
Review #4350717
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Review brought to you by:
"Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon

OVERALL IMPRESSION -
These dialog stories only aren't always easy to write, but you some really funny lines in this one that put the scene of these two right into my head.

WHAT I LIKED BEST -
I really enjoyed the playfulness of your characters as they bantered back and forth in the store, one hidden behind the dressing room door. I liked Jake all flirty, not hiding his emotions as he made certain remarks that could be overheard and made his boyfriend almost embarrassed by it.

PLOT~
Jake and his boyfriend are out shopping for swimsuits. Jake grows quickly impatient waiting outside the dressing room door, threatens to come in and also take a picture and post it on Instagram if his lover doesn't hurry up. Jake offers him three seconds to get out of the dressing room, starts counting and finally, he emerges with the 'sock'.

DIALOG~
If I were in that store, these two would be funny to listen in on. The dialog felt natural for your couple, Jake being playful and flirty, even a little risque at moments that seemed to embarrass his partner. It was funny how Jake lets compliments go to his head, and admits they are true.

TECHNICAL~
As much as id-I'd enjoy

before i-I head in there.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

This would be my name.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4350717