I've always loved a good dystopian story and this one doesn't disappoint. I think you did an excellent a job drawing the reader in and keeping them interested in the beginning of a storyline that only gets more exciting the further along you read. You did an excellent job providing the scenery as well as the sounds and smells you might associate with the different scenes.



Overall I thought this was an excellent first chapter, it really gauges the readers' interest and gives them something to cling to before the story begins. You provided excellent visual and treats for the senses, which made the story that more immersive.



Some of the words I needed to look up or think about a moment before continuing on with the story which broke up the flow for me slightly. I was able to figure out the words quickly, being a fantasy and sci-fi fan myself which may be the cause of picking up the meanings a bit easier. For other reviewers or readers who as familiar, I would suggest an example for words that reader might take a pause on.

For example: Using the word holo, I would've introduced the word hologram first, then comment on the slang word to give it a better sense of where the cultural speech is.



I have to say I'm hooked, I plan on reading the rest of the chapters for this story and checking out some more of your work as well. This style of a genre is always a fun read for myself and the addition of a religion I'm not entirely familiar with proves to be educational.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .