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Review #4270059
Viewing a review of:
The Sower and the Seed Open in new Window. [E]
A Poem from the Parable of The Sower and the Seed
by Angel Author Icon
Review by Jay O'Toole Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Thank you, Angel, for the privilege of sharing this review with you. I hope I will encourage you with something I say. I hope you future writing will be helped in some way by my words.

Since we are part of the Rising Stars, I would like to share this review with you as a Member to Member Review.

*ButtonV*Overall Impression: The whole poem shouts of redemption. The LORD Jesus knows some seeds have been lost on the fallow ground, but wants to find every one of them, bringing them back to Himself. Verses 2, 4 & 6 all say the same thing, "There's still time and I'm still here." It's like that wonderful old saying, that I often heard as I was growing up. "God's not finished with me, yet." (Verse #9 seems to be a variation on this theme.)

*Pencil*Suggestions: The A-B-A-B rhyme scheme is very familiar to me, since I often use this myself. This familiarity makes it "a warm, fuzzy blanket" for me. The rhythm seemed to be a brisk cadence at times, but it is not a classical rhythm with which I am familiar. Therefore, if I have one suggestion, then it would be to try writing with some of the old classic poetic cadences. This could certainly be used as a stretching exercise for challenging your poetry in a new direction. (I, for one, am a reader, who likes to feel the rhythms of classical poetry just about as much as I like to hear the end-rhyme of classical poetry. I think the following link is a good guide in this area. http://literarydevices.net/rhythm/)

*Apple*Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar: This poem has one period at the end of the entire creation. I understand this as a big old Stop sign at that point. I think it might help the reader a little bit, if you contemplate the possibility of adding a few strategic commas and maybe a period or two, throughout the entire poem.

In the attempt to create a mental picture, it seems to me, that this poem is much like running a 5K race at full tilt without at least one or two welcoming water stations, during the 3.1 mile route. Running at full speed for the entire race is good for a PR, but average Joe has a little difficulty doing that without any props. I think the LORD is in patient mode throughout this poem (as well as in the parable.) Therefore, the pauses for reflection do seem to have merit here.

As a side note, I didn't really have the trouble of the race illustration because I seemed to just add in the punctuation, intuitively. However, though this poem caused no problems for mental punctuation, there are some poems in which the entire meaning could be changed, if the poet doesn't direct the meaning with guided pauses. (I hope my explanation was not to laborious, but was helpful.)

*Heart*What I Like: This poem reminds me of my favorite song as a little child, "Jesus loves me,/ this I know/ for The Bible tells me so.// Little ones to Him belong,/ they are weak,/ but He is strong..."

Thanks for reading my review. Be Blessed! :D
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/26/2016 @ 2:32am EDT
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