Greetings, Izzy's Writing ! Thank you for requesting a review from me. And sorry it's taken this long to finally get to it!

You know how I love these Elizabeth and Nicklas stories! There may have been a bit more mushiness than usual in this one, but other than that, it is a nice addition to the other stories.

I have a few suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful (as you already know!) and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

Paragraph 1
In this first paragraph, you use the character "2" and then the word "two." You should be consistent either way. From what I've learned in the past, one-character numbers should be spelled out, while two-digits or more need not be.

Paragraph 5
one of the most precious, most beautiful sound in the world, at least to Niklas, slapped his ears.
You might consider an alternative phrase to slapped his ears only because I don't think of a beautiful sound slapping. Perhaps something similar to:
one of the most precious, most beautiful sound in the world, at least to Niklas, filled his ears.

Paragraph 7
That first sentence is probably too long. Maybe try to break it up into at least two, if not three sentences.

Paragraph 9
as she opened her mouth, getting her tongue sliding over his,
Perhaps you could smooth this out a bit. One example:
as she opened her mouth, sliding her tongue over his,

Paragraph 10
There was nothing more than the two of them loved more
I would replace than with that.
There was nothing more that the two of them loved more

Paragraph 11
once their lips became unlocked.
I'm not sure you need the word became. I think it sounds fine without it.
once their lips unlocked.

Paragraph 15
leafs in the wind
I would change leafs to leaves.
leaves in the wind

Paragraph 27
There's a sentence within this paragraph that seems rather long. Perhaps break it up a bit. Also, and this is only a suggestion, but you could replace the word kept with continue (just an option; not necessary): Niklas continued giving his girl the massage

Paragraph 28
He loved seeing her in the state.
Did you mean this state?
He loved seeing her in this state.

Okay, I have just a few pointss to touch on. I didn't want to point each and every one out, so this is sort of a summary of what to watch out for:

I noticed several long sentences, and some with lots of commas. If I were you, Izzy, I'd go back and read these long sentences aloud and perhaps break them up into more sentences or reword the sentence while omitting unnecessary words.

It is preferable to italicize words you want emphasized and save the CAPITALIZED words for shouting or acronyms.

I do believe you are improving on showing vs telling, but I spotted a few areas that perhaps could be worked on toward more show. Again, read this out loud and those places will be easier to catch. I always read my work out loud and end up catching so much more than reading the piece silently.

My favorite part really isn't in any special line or sentence, but its the same as you always seem to have and shine in. The way Elizabeth and Nikolas feel for each other is so well done with a touch of the face, a twinkle of an eye, tipping a chin upward... little things like these help the reader to feel what's going on between these two. Nice work! You are a very talented young lady with lots of compassion.

Have a great day and'
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .