Hi Patteyb!


This is a lovely poem for children. The tone is light and the whimsical content age-appropriate.


Here are some suggestions that might be helpful though:


Stanza 2

As we travel about
the vast countryside.

Reason: Better structure in terms of number of syllables.


Stanza 3

After which we'd have
a butterfly race.

Reason: To avoid using the word "hold" twice within a stanza.


Stanza 4

We'd host a banquet

Reason: To avoid repetition of the word "have".



Well, that's just my 2 cent's worth! Feel free to go with what works best for you.


Write on!
Jay






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .