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Review #4261340
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by A Guest Visitor
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Bookstack* *Books3**Books4**Books5**Books6**Books1*
A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW
Sponsored by the New Novel Workshop
The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful.
Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer.


Greetings Vixey Todd:

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the First Annual "The Chapter One Competition." .
Thank you for including our mandatory phrase, "Happy sweet sixteen, WDC!"

*Bookstack* What I Liked Best:
What a charming tale of little girl's revelation of the many gifts of magical powers she has. Your writing is delightful and the story is presented without hiccups or lags. You've got story-telling skill and a real handle on craft. I also appreciate your allowing the characters' personalities to shine through.

*Bookstack* Opener:
You've opened this story by introducing the main character, a six year old girl named Gwen with a passel of magical powers, who is having a birthday and a visit from Enchantress Stormsong who also plans to assess the youngster's magical abilities and prowess, but Gwen would much rather play with her friend, The Crown Prince...

*Bookstack* Character Development:
Wonderfully drawn out. I have clear ideas of who everyone is and what they are up to.

*Bookstack* Spelling Punctuation Grammar Form:
Some issues here. A good proofread would have revealed misspellings, uneven spacing, missing words, and reversed pronouns, all of which served to inhibit full enjoyment of the read.

*Bookstack* Hook:
You are a mistress of hooks. There were many, of varying degrees, peppered throughout he chapter. Very well done. I definitely have enough questions to turn the page and see where all this is leading.

*Bookstack* Suggestions for Improvement:
Make the time to proofread for spelling, typos, missing words, and paragraph spacing, and fix them all. This is just as important as your story itself.

You have written a wonderfully charming story, and I'd like to read on. I'd hate to see you lose readership over the errors, mistakes, and omissions.

CLOSING STATEMENT
Thank you for joining in the Competition. It has been a pleasure reading your chapter.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/24/2016 @ 3:41pm EDT
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