Greetings Jeff is Kylo Ren

I am reviewing "Kenna Kitada - Chapter 1"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 27 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


P33 Kenna locks up and heads to the gray Ford Explorer.

To this point everything is past tense. This is present tense.

P54 Kenna locks up and heads to the gray Ford Explorer.

present tense


P56 Mrs. Ingersoll seems to consider Kenna’s words.

present tense


Your first chapter gives the reader a vivid description of Kenna Kitada. Besides her physical beauty, the reader learns she is athletic, and a private investigator. Kenna has a sense of right and wrong and also high professional standards. She teaches the bully surfer a lesson, and in business, will not lower her code of ethics.

The first sentence gave me a good first impression. Kenna strives to be good at what she does, going to the ocean early to get in an extra hour of practice. Right there I can tell she is not the type of lady that will settle for second best.

The tale progresses in a seemly order, one section leading into the next and each one giving a little more insight into Kenna. By the end of the chapter, I believe I have a basic understanding of her. I think in a battle, I would want her on my side.
I was delighted to discover that Sunset Cliffs is a real place, and not one created for the story. You describe it well enough that I would not mind seeing it myself someday.

This chapter primarily focuses on Kenna. I discovered her hobby, her business, got a small tour of her home and office, and a good look into her personality. I am unable to tell if the others mentioned will play a role further along in the tale. You mentioned Abe, the dentist she shares the duplex with, and spend a few sentences on the interaction between Kenna and her client, Mrs. Ingersoll. Also, you used a significant section of the chapter discussing the newbie surfer. Kenna comes to his aide and of course he makes a light pass at her. I think this part of the chapter is written to show more detail into Kenna, but I guess it might be possible the newbie may come into play later. I will have to read the rest of your novel to see if this is so or not.

You are a good writer, using correct punctuation and spelling. You vary the length of sentences, avoiding the hypnotic like affect same size sentences can give. You give life to your character and color to her life.

I found this an entertaining and exciting opening to a book I would enjoy reading. I hope that soon I will get that pleasure.

Happy writing,
John




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .