Greetings Elle - on hiatus

I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .
THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH 7 !


In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review:
Your Words: Bold Black{}
My Impressions as I read: Bold Green
Editing Suggestions:Bold Red


OVERALL IMPRESSION
Good chapter of Hope as she's moved to the country and is starting her life over again. She's a fish out of water, and the introduction of her neighbor, Jake, sets off the beginnings of a romance.

What I Liked Best:
Great description right off the top showing Hope dealing with stepping in poop, how she tried to remove it,and then getting a blast of electricity. Nice elements of humor here.

WRITING SKILLS AND CRAFT

Opening Sentence:
Is action, one word, very descriptive.

Opening Paragraph:
Really good visual of Hope's predicament as she tries not to vomit.

Plot:
Hope has moved away from city life and is ready for a slower pace, thinking she'll get a few animals and have a nice relaxing life. Talking with Jake lets her see just how much she didn't think through.

Character Development:
Jake is your stories Hero, and has two jobs, farmer and cop. Hope is completely out of her element, and hoping Jake will give her some insight into country life. There are sparks already beginning to fly between this pair. Hope definitely has a story to tell.

Dialog:
Good job with the dialogue. Tags worked well, it seemed natural and flowed well between them. It was funny, and had good descriptive elements.

Spelling & Punctuation:
No issues

Grammar:
No issues

Continuity:
The story moved along well, with enough information to get a sense of your main character, Hope and glimpses into Jake.

Form:
Nothing overused, it was a solid read.

Clarity:
It's easy to see Hope will have her hands full and it will be interesting to see how she copes with her new lifestyle and what her backstory is.

Hook:
There was a hook present at the beginning and again at the end as Hope finds herself inviting Jake to dinner and having nothing to feed him.

CREATIVITY and PRESENTATION

Structure:
I believe you have a solid first chapter of your romance novel. Your main characters are present, the humor adds depth to the story, and Hope journey will be interesting.

Figurative Language & Vocabulary:
Nothing over done here, good descriptions and word choices.

Rhythm & Meter:
This chapter moved along at a good pace.

CLOSING STATEMENT
I really enjoyed your first chapter. It is something that I would buy and like to read. Nice job.
Purple Holiday Givings





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .