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 Review #4257268 |
| A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful. Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. Greetings Dee I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## ! Title and Author: In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review: Your Words: Bold Black My Impressions as I read: Bold Green Editing Suggestions:Bold Red Plot:: Deirdre Wellesley is in college in England. She needs to write a term paper and has received an okay from the professor to do it on her family's history. She and her best friend kay Thornton are searching through a basement at the college and come across an old chest which contains a book about Deirdre's family. A violent story comes up and a book falls off of the shelf into her arms. The lights go out and a face appears in the dark. Both girls run. Hook: Your first hook is telling what Deirdre looks like and how she acts. You next big hook is when they find the chest. Opening Sentence and Paragraph: You introduce your main character in the first sentence. This is well done. Characters Development: Deirdre Wellesley - Primary Protagonist Kay Thornton - Secondary Protagonist Dialogue: Dialogue is easy to follow and I can tell who is talking by the words they use. Punctuation and Structure: She could never consort with people whose manners did not promote common decency, (I would put this sentence in italics and remove the words "she thought." because it would be understood it was not spoken.) she thought. . “Did you know a candidate for knighthood or knight who would be coronated (spelling, the "a" changes to an "e" when you add "ed" to coronate.) King,... Closing Statement I am picturing the girls as being around eighteen years old, maybe their first year in college. Including the information on how red ink was made and how the scribes worked was a fantastic add to give the piece character. I have always been enthralled myself about the Medieval times. I have a rather romantic view of the period though. I can see several directions this story can go. I enjoyed the piece and look forward to reading more of the story. Please let me know as you continue the story. Thank you for submitting. Starling
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You responded to this review 09/07/2016 @ 11:59am EDT