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 Review #4256723 |
| A CHAPTER ONE REVIEW Sponsored by the NEW Novel Workshop The opinions contained in this review are subjective, with intent to be honest and helpful. Please take that which you find useful, and toss the rest with good cheer. Greetings Elle - on hiatus I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  today as part of the "The Chapter One Competition." .THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING OUR MANDATORY PHRASE, "HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN, WDC!" IN PARAGRAPH ## ! Title and Author: In the interest of clarity, I will be using the following conventions in my review: Your Words: Bold Black{} My Impressions as I read: Bold Green Editing Suggestions:Bold Red Plot:: Hope Marin, a definite city girl, purchases a farm with her inheritance. She has no clue what she is doing. She meets Jake Cooper, her next door neighbor, farmer and local police officer. Hope asks Jake to dinner so he can help her figure out what she needs to do. Hook: First hook appears in third paragraph, where we find out why hope in walking in the pasture. Opening Sentence and Paragraph: I know it really is not totally professional to say it this way, but your first paragraph is really cute. I had a chuckle and actually shook my head at what Hope had just done. I grew up on a farm, so I know where she stands (pun intended). Characters Development: You have two protagonists, will be interested to see who your antagonist is. Hope Marin - new owner of a farm Jake Cooper - local farmer and police officer Dialogue: Your dialoged is excellent. I had no trouble knowing who was talking. You kept a smile on my face with the by-play between the two characters. Punctuation and Structure: This is the only error I found, but I wasn't sure if the spelling is correct for the UK, thus the question mark. Here came the judgement (spelling?) she was so familiar with. Closing Statement Excellent job on introducing your characters by showing and not telling. I enjoyed the piece. Thank you for submitting. Starling
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You responded to this review 09/06/2016 @ 5:45pm EDT