Hello, I am reviewing for Game of Thrones. Just so you know these are my opinions and recommendations, you do not have to make the changes I think should be made. This is one writer to another.
Something you might want to look into is marking your story in order or rearranging the folder to hold everything in order that it needs to be written.
This is a good story, it moved along well. Where are the characters? I at first thought Frank was at home, then she walks in. Ballsy for her to walk into a complete strangers house. Then figured out they were at a restaurant.
The characters seem realistic and likable. I like that they went for a walk and sex didn't seem didn't seem to be on his brain.
The beginning of a good story. I would like to recommend some minor changes I found.
Being a mechanic, was Frank greasy or did he take a shower before he went out?
In paragraph 2 add a space between 'saying' and 'the'. In the conversation who is talking? Starting with "Mind if I buy you a drink?" Who said it?
"Social skills...long suit." should that be 'strong' suit?
"Perfect Indian Sumner." Change to Summer.
"Maybe I'ill" take out an I.
You might add more description to the setting, they are walking outside but I don't see outside. Granted I don't see inside either besides there is a bar.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .