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 Review #4242559 |
| Review brought to you by: "Game of Thrones" by Creeper Of The Realm  PLOT - Dumped again, David goes to see his friend Lily, looking for some comfort after another breakup, and he's beginning to feel somethings wrong with him. SETTING - Good visuals of Lily, what she looked like, and the scene that played out between her and David. It was easy to follow the action between your couple. CHARACTERS - Lily is always there for David, waiting for the chance when he wakes up and realizes she's like him all along. David always runs to his best friend, but hasn't really allowed himself to change the dynamic of their friendship. He is definitely comfortable sharing his feelings with her. GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE - As my cock slid inside her, she moaned approvingly, her hips rising to meet my every thrust. I took her soft breasts in my hand, teasing the nipples with my tongue as her one hand caressed my face and the other slid down to grab my shaft.-- out of order here. If he's inside her, then how is it possible for her to grab him there? THOUGHTS - Congratulations on winning the Weekly Quickie. Their word counts makes it difficult sometimes to get a lot of descriptive details into the story. You did a great job with that, making every word count. I enjoyed your couple, and was happy to see he was concerned about her enjoyment. Nicely done. Write On!   
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You responded to this review 07/24/2016 @ 12:10pm EDT