Plot/story elements:

Did I feel attached to the story or poem?

For some reason, it reminds me of James Dean (before his rise to fame) meets Christine. I like that you ended with L.A. Dark like it's his street name or something.


Would I recommend this piece of writing to someone else?

It's a clever way to experiment with rhyming and it's an entertaining enough piece. I don't think it's half bad. I'm not sure if some of the readers would be wholly accepting of the line dead bitches but if you don't care, then I for your style of writing, I don't either.


Was there a clear purpose to it?

You clearly layed out that it was an experiment with rhyming. But, it has a story to it as well.


Glows:



Grows:

nothing rhymed with booze. There are some possibilities though: lose, cruise, refuse, etc. So maybe you could add an extra line to just round it out for good measure.



Miscellaneous Comments:

You could even turn this into a longer piece. Like a graphic novel even and make him an anti-hero or some sort of villain names L.A. Dark. I mean that name is like a comic book or graphic novel waiting to be written. But, if you do write it and it goes big, I'm totally telling my sons that it was my idea. Just sayin..It's late and thanks for letting me ramble..


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~Tsa~ House of Greyjoy







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .