Plot/story elements:

Did I feel attached to the story or poem?

Your description of Rodney is somewhat heartbreaking. He seems to let his insecurities drive him, gets threatened easily and provokes back before others provoke him. I felt horrible for Paul Mayfield.


Would I recommend this piece of writing to someone else?

It's a great anti bully story where the target gets their vengeance. I think readers would like a story with that dynamic.


Was there a clear purpose to it?

I think it's important to highlight stories where the bullies don't win. It makes us feel good to root for someone and this story definitely gives that experience.


Glows:

I love the built anticipation between Mayfield and Wilson before they fight. I knew Mayfield was going to get his due and your ending did not disappoint me there! Mayfield is like the unforeseen hero and I'm glad he defended himself and gave it to good ol' Wilson.



Grows:

Your story is written in a very formal tone with descriptors like caprciousness and acolytes. I prefer to be entertained by stories maybe you could use terms that more of us can relate to. My suggestions would be synonyms like peculiar, idiosyncratic for caprciousness, and perhaps use follower for acolytes. I always mentally reserve that term for cult followers. I had to look up the words adumbrated and pugilistic. I love learning new words so I didn't mind but other readers might.



Miscellaneous Comments:

I thought you were going to turn Wilson into a misunderstood protagonist with good intentions because of the way you set up the relationship between him and Powell on the football team. I was wrong and surprised but glad for it!
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~Tsa~ House of Greyjoy







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .