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Review #4236686
Viewing a review of:
 Hasta La Vista Open in new Window. [13+]
Evicting an unwanted guest entry for the Writer's Cramp
by Whiskersandhersisters Author Icon
Review of Hasta La Vista  Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Whiskersandhersisters Author Icon,

This review is a part of "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a very original poem, dear author. It really made me smile. At first, I didn't pick up on who or what the person was talking about - I thought that it was about a relationship that went bad. Which is what you intended, of course. So, I love the twist at the end!

I also love the way you've turned this into a dialogue. Your use of the prompt is clever. I like the wording - especially excellent upon the second read, when I knew about the twist. And on the technical side of things, your poem has a pleasant rhythm and flow. Well done!

As an added note - you are right. It always comes back!

Suggestions:

I do have a couple of suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Stanza 1:

I love your use of punctuation. It makes it clear that this is a dialogue, and helps the overall clarity of the piece. I spotted a tiny error in this stanza, though - you don't need the quotation mark at the beginning of the second line, as it's still the same person speaking.

Stanza 5:

There is an extra space after the quotation mark in the first line, that can be removed.

General Suggestion:

A matter of personal preference, I know, but I'd be tempted to remove the line spaces between the individual lines within the stanzas. The reason? Less scrolling, which makes it easier to read and take in the poem.

My Rating:

I love this poem. It's creative, funny, and well-written.

I did have some suggestions, but they were either a personal preference or just a couple of minor punctuation ones. For that reason, I will still give this poem a rating of 5 out of 5. It deserves it!

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.




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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/12/2016 @ 9:09pm EDT
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