Hello ToServe ! How are you doing today? I’m Charlie and I’m reviewing on behalf of "a very Wodehouse challenge" . Part of my challenge involves making a “magazine” featuring manly men items. I’ve selected your item to feature because it’s in the men’s genre. Thanks for sharing with us!


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: I chose to read this item because the title "Masculinity 2015" was perfectly fitting for a men's feature. I was surprised to find the poem the unfolded within which dealt directly with suicide and family issues. I think it's always important to address serious subjects like this, as hard as they may be to write.


What Worked: Those opening lines were such a strong hook for the rest of the poem. It held my attention the whole time and then I went back to read it again. My favorite was the way this almost had an old nursery rhyme vibe to it. The tone wasn't like that, which is good, but a lot of old nursery rhymes were very dark and the counting nature of this poem just reminded me of that. It made for a great read.

My favorite stanza was the second because the flow was so smooth and all the rhymes hit at the right time. I also liked the message there because a lot of people do think of suicide as an option for 'freedom' and I like that you called him a silly sod for this.


Technical Issues/Suggestions: The flow was a bit wonky in the third stanza, especially the last two lines. They're a couple beats too long to smoothly flow with the lines in which they're supposed to. The same with the first stanza, really. Read it aloud and try to see where there's a beat too much between the second and fourth line.

I think these fixes will be somewhat easy once you can recognize where the flow isn't super smooth. It will just be a matter of rearranging some of the lines and phrasing to make it a little tighter and more concise.

The other thought I had was that the fourth stanza is lost on me. I've read it over 3 or 4 times and I still am not quite grasping it. I'm thinking that there are three people in the last three months who have attempted suicide and the explanation in the final stanza is that "a bitter, nasty, little girl" caused the loss of their children. I don't know if this is a metaphorical thing or if it's an actual thing where the children were physically harmed and lost due to someone's action. I'm not sure.


Final Thoughts: Overall, I thought this was a really interesting poem. The ending is a bit vague for me, so I'm not sure what it's all about, but the emotion and most of the rhymes are on point. Thanks again for sharing with us!


Best wishes,





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .