This is a review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " 

Remember I am not a professional reviewer. These are just my personal impressions and thoughts. My goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will actually help your writing.

First Impressions:

First off, I want to state that the premise of the story and the overall scene is excellent. The twist at the end is masterful. I did find the story a little difficult to get into though.

My Favorite Elements:

The ending is what really makes this piece. The stage has been set and the final result is apropos. I liked that.

Suggestions:

I'm not exactly sure how to fix this because removing or editing does involve important elements of your stage set up. Your initial sentence clearly identifies this as a drama and I think is a good enough hook at that point. It really bogs down with the description of the players though. I think it needs to be shortened to avoid losing your reader. The trick is to do that without losing the good things that are there. I might blend some of that description in with any sibling animosity through dialogue but I'm not sure it would work. Just throwing stuff out there for you.

Overall:

This story has a lot going for it but I think it could be a lot better. Great story though so keep going. Would love to see any revisions you might try.

Keep on writing!

Pico

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