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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4195375
Review #4195375
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Musings... Open in new Window. [18+]
Writing, scribbling, etc.
by Gaby Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
Review of Musings...  Open in new Window.
Review by Shaye Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi Gaby Author Icon,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece Invalid Entry from {sitem:} in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " Open in new Window..

*Flowerw* This is a review from "WdC Kind Hearts" Open in new Window. *Flowerw*


Title:The kiss that did indeed end in death. The title is what drew me into this poem and it seems to perfectly explain what is going on.

First Impression: I think I remember the prompt you write this for, maybe! This poem tells a story, introducing the killer and then ending with him getting locked up. Good job. I find it difficult enough to write poems, let alone poems that tell a story!

Flow/Form: The punctuation here creates quite a jilted flow, but I think it works here to demonstrate this guys insanity. My favourite stanza has to be the last one,
"They took me away,
Restrained me in a shirt,
And I knew I'd die,
With her red lips on my mind."
Damn. Great final stanza!

Rhyme: No rhyming, but rhyming wouldn't work so well for this poem I don't think, as it would speed to poem up, and we wouldn't get the same sense of the guys madness of the fact he's dwelling on his final kill.

Word Choice: You've got good word choice throughout here, with some good description and nothing repeated. *Thumbsup*

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted here.

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the somewhat disturbing read! *Laugh* This is the final review that I owe you, know just to send you that MB. Thanks for bidding on my package in the New Year New You Auction. *Bigsmile*

Lorraine

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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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