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Review #4194607
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Review by Shaye Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hi Atiqa Akbar Author Icon,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " Open in new Window..

Title: The title is suitable! It has a strong meaning and relates well to the poem itself.

First Impression: A poem that strikes the heart of the reader and is great for your first attempt, far better than what I wrote for my first free form poem.

Rhyme: There is no rhyme, but the poem flows well enough that you don't need any. You have used some assonance-type words with the repeated "m", which helps the flow of the poem.

Word Choice: Poems are short, especially poems entered in the "Tweet Me a Story Contest", so each word has to be carefully chosen. You've used "wash" twice, may I suggest switching one of them out with a synonym, perhaps "clean"?

Spelling/Grammar: One thing that confused me when I wrote my first free form poem, or when I wrote any poem, is the use of capitals and punctuation. I've learned since my time on Writing.Com that neither are necessary! You don't have to include them and in some cases, a poem is best without them as it allows the reader to choose the best place to breathe in your poem, which can create a better flow for them. Just some information for you to do with what you will.

Closing Thoughts: I'm glad to review this for you. Good luck in the contest, but double check the rules before you edit anything. Some contests don't allow edits after you submit your entry! *Smile*

Lorraine

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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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