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 Review #4154086 |
 | From Behind the Bars  [E] An attempt to portray what goes on inside my head  |
| (4.5)| Hello klabrosse . I am Elizabeth. This review is brought to you by "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash" . Before going any further, I would like to welcome you to Writing.com. It is a great site and community. In this review, the opinions I offer are just suggestions. It is your decision whether to keep or discard them. When you see "L1," "L2," and so forth, the "L" stands for "Line." On the other hand, "S1," "S2," and so on, the "S" stands for "Suggestion." Overall Impression I read through this poem and enjoyed it. However, I am torn as to whether this is about life in general or prison life. Either way, I enjoy the sense of wonder of what the outside world looks, sounds, and feels like. Life can be both beautiful and ugly at the same time. In all honesty, sometimes it seems like I would be better off staying inside, rather than out in the world. It can be so cruel and evil. I can feel the writer's emotions. That is always good. Or, this poem could be a metaphor for life itself. Life can feel like a prison, especially if a person has depression, feels hopeless due to life circumstances, and so forth. Great job on this poem! Stanza 1 L1: From...bars. S1: The use of a comma after "bars" can help keep the punctuation consistent throughout the poem. L12: from...again. S1: The word "from" is unnecessary here. Removing it will not changed the meaning of this line. Stanza 2 L2: I...like S1: A comma would work well after "be like." L5: And...me S1: Remove "And," it is unnecessary here. Just capitalize "how" instead. Stanza 3 This stanza reads fine. Great job! Stanza 4 I could find nothing wrong with this stanza. Great job! Stanza 5 L1: From...bars S1: As I suggested for Stanza 1 earlier, a comma would go great after "bars." This helps keep punctuation consistent. Stanza 6 L1: But...different, S1: Remove "But," it is unnecessary here. Just capitalize "the" instead. L4: And...bars. S1: "And so" is not needed year. The word, "I," is good enough. Rating   Other  Keep punctuation consistent. Read written work out loud to aid in this. It will help you find the proper punctuation placement.Another thing that would help you is to read what you wrote out loud. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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