Hi notester.
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and Writing.com's 15th Birthday Celebration.
I have just read your short story "Invalid Item" , which I found when clicked on the random read and review link on the site and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Very cool little piece. I was expecting there to be erotica as that is what you had it classed as... but it was pleasantly not. You may want to change that.
I loved the transformation and all because of trying a new food - Dragon Fruit. I was curious what it would be like, but I am thinking I don't want to risk such a transformation! The story came across as totally possible!


Characters:
Alfred is our main character. He is experiencing Dragon Fruit for the first time.
Devon is his friend. He encouraged Alfred to try the fruit, then called to see if he had the same transformative thing happen.


Setting:
The story takes place in Alfred's room primarily... though it is not precisely described you get a sense of him being in his own personal space.


Plot:
Alfred eats a new fruit and experiences the transformative powers it has. The pacing is well done and you describe things very well.


Favourite Part:
I love the description of him changing into the dragon.
The blue flame burps were also quite comical.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
My only concern is the 'erotica' category at the top of your piece. This is not erotica and some readers will shy away from reading such material. It would be in your best interests to change that... to humour, I am thinking. Fantasy even.


Additional Comments:
Great story. I enjoyed reading this piece. Would love to know his parents reaction. Would also be curious if this transformation is permanent or simply a temporary state. Good stories get you wondering... what happens next. You did an excellent job of that.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .