Hi abbyer ,

I just finished reading your story which I found "The LGBT Writing Contest - reopens Feb" , "Invalid Item"  and I would like to offer you the following review. Please note that this review is a culmination of my opinion and what knowledge I have. It is meant in the spirit of assistance and appreciation only. Please feel free to use what you deem useful and ignore the rest.

FIRST IMPRESSIONSA retelling of The Ugly Duckling, very nice. Regardless of who you are in the community, this is something I feel we can all relate to to one extent or another.


STORY STRENGTHS This feels very honest and real. Your protagonist is likable and shows a lot of growth in this short piece. I really love this line: "What I saw as a swan, had been an ugly duckling just like me, for many years." It is one of those truths that everyone is normal until you get to know them and you never really know what other people have gone through.


GRAMMATICAL/SPELLING
your story with us?", their hostess asked - there shouldn't be a comma after the quote mark.

and choose thee most pink and most girly - thee should be the

around thte house - the

playing with barbie or dress-up - Barbie should be capitalized because it is a name.

he was embarassed to look - embarrassed

Noone - No one (in two different places)


OVERALL IMPRESSION
I really enjoyed this story. You did an excellent job telling it and it feels very fresh and real. Good luck with the contest.



Thank you for sharing your work!
Write On!!