\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4150912
Review #4150912
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
Review of Space  Open in new Window.
Review by eyestar~* Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Dark Society  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Balloonp* Hiya Sarah! Welcome to WDC! *Delight*
This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash" Open in new Window., presented by "The Dark Society" Open in new Window.


*Fairyl* Wow! This poem has a potent vibration that expresses the idea of getting over a relationship. I think the title is evocative of the theme as one does need space after a loss to rediscover self and also experiences the space of the person not being there as well. *Thumbsup*

Your first line gave me the idea of going into a space beyond the known mind to an inner space yet untapped. I like how from that space you show the mind travelling back into memory as so often happens when one is trying to forget and look ahead, but still grieving the loss.

The imagery is vivid and the sense of reflection and wanting to understand is clear as shown by questions asked to the empty space--both as if to him and to self. The pity of why me again? is truly how one would feel.

The free style suits the emotional content and I enjoyed how you wove your rhyme to give it a livelier flow. There is not a real rhythm pattern yet it is still pleasant to read.

A couple of lines could be shortened as they stand out a little.
eg. In line 4 in the last verse, it struck me that you might just simply say "with your lovers and lies" as it flows more smoothly and also adds an alliterative quality. *Smile*
eg. Line 4 in verse 3 I stumbled too---though you may have meant us to. The "once again" threw it off for me, though I see you may want to have it known that this always seems to happen. *Wink*

I liked the rhyme scheme though I would have liked to see the last rhyme as true rather than the off rhyme of "time" and "goodbye". *Smile* In line 3 verse 2, I wanted to change "your smile" to "the smile" as you use the word "your" twice in close proximity and it sounds better. Just a thought. *Wink*

Your weaving has really captured the sentiment of the experience here in a clear manner. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft for me to ponder. Keep up the wonderful writing! *Starstruck*

Have fun around the WDC! Write on! *Quill*

eyestar
~~Image ID# 2053393's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~
"All About Birthdays Free for all!" Open in new Window.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4150912