Greets!!

I came across your story from the Writer's Cramp while finishing up the recent Spiritual Newsletter, "The Gift of a Year"  by Shannon .

I had gone through a slump with reading for the last long while, but am glad to be back on track now as it has blessed me with the chance to run into this work.

I was unsure if I'd be disappointed that I knew what the key was for as soon as it was introduced in the story, but remembering the Writer's Cramp competition from when I used to enter (word restrictions specifically), it taught me that just because I know where something is going... I'll get back to this in a bit.

I loved the flow your story reads with. I did have to reread a couple of paragraphs, however it is 2 in the morning, so this is nothing to do with the way it was written! At first I thought it may have been due to longer paragraphs throughout, but when rereading the paragraphs in question you did a wonderful job of opening, explaining, and ending each paragraph on the relevant topics they had started with. Maybe I'm overcritical at this time of day.

Some of the descriptive words used caught my fancy very quickly. Your vocabulary within was well used. It added a perfect sense of the scene to go along with a nice tugging along of your reader through the plot. Again, just because I knew what the key was going to be for.... well, I think you know where I'm going with this.

As for an area for improvement - and completely just opinion as you well know :

The drive took me an hour in traffic, and as I pulled up to the address, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

This sentence seemed like it could be written with less commas. You haven't made any errors, as the sentence works with the commas, though I feel it could be reworded to alleviate some of the interruptions in it.

Pulling up to the address after an hour long drive through traffic, my research confirmed that it was indeed a small, brand-new house in the revitalized area of town.

Though only one less comma, I think it feels a bit better as a reader. Also, I had nothing else I could pick on so I had to reach for any type of a moderately helpful suggestion I could find!!!

My favorite point :

The key's purpose will make itself known.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the key's purpose wasn't just to open the door to the home. I see the key's purpose as the anonymity tied with the emotion of gratitude and joy felt by the character. As the renewal of faith in people as well as in our own hope.

When things get tough, it's moments like this - placed anywhere within the scale of extremes that they may be - which help us 'breakthrough' as opposed to 'breaking down' like Shannon suggested within the newsletter. It's no question this piece deserved editor's choice.

Well done!!

I hope to come back and read some more of your writings, I truly did enjoy this one.


Regards!!

J. Lee




... oh ya, I said I would get back to the part about knowing what the key was for. Just because I knew what the key was going to be for, doesn't mean I had any clue how it would get there... or what it would look like when I did

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .