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Review #4055338
Viewing a review of:
 Transition Open in new Window. [18+]
Re-birth is a painful business
by ~MM~ Author Icon
Review of Transition  Open in new Window.
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi ~MM~ Author Icon,

I'm reviewing as the judge of "Supernatural Writing Contest - Closed" Open in new Window..

This is a creepy story about a vampire converting another human into a vampire.

*StarBl*Plot: I liked the transition process an thought it was spooky and very scary. You presented the consequences at the end very well. I only got confused about place and space. At the end, the main character goes to sleep and the room is suddenly noisy when she awakes. Is it her internal noise? Also, she seems to be moving in the room to switch the light, then back to bed. What made her not to try to escape or help herself? I wasn't sure about why the main character was smiling at the end.

*StarBl*Characters: I like the characters very much. Their bodies in the pale state and rich-in-blood state was clearly seen.

*StarBl*Setting: I like the room and the smell of blood and the rest. I would add a bit of more details such as the position of the other furniture or was it just empty?

*StarBl*Grammar and punctuation: Not many. There were mostly speech marks missing and some commas. I suggest you read through and add them. Example: "I’m doing you a favour, doing it this way," she confided. "In the old days, when . . . leap to conclusions." These are the words of the vampire so use speech marks for them.

*StarBl*My favorite was the way you described using the senses of sight, touch and scent.

Thanks for entering this scary story for the contest.
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/16/2014 @ 1:41pm EST
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