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Review #4054864
Viewing a review of:
 I Still Hear You Say.  Open in new Window. [13+]
A poem about defunct love.
by GiveMeARevolution Author Icon
Review by Charlie ~ Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, GiveMeARevolution Author Icon. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Beakerr* General Impressions: The title evokes feelings of nostalgia even before we start reading the poem. It's clear that the relationship has gone south and now all that's left is the memories of things said in better times.

*Beakerb* Best Parts: There is a lot of great imagery here. I like the phone crackles/dismay rattles part. It shows the desolation of the situation and the current state of the relationship. Desire is hollow seemed to play on the fact that wanting someone who doesn't want you back or who you can't be with is a lonely thing.

*Beakero* Possible Suggestions: I really liked the line My love for you has splitting ends. but I felt like it sounded strange. I think My love for you has split ends might sound better, even though both are technically acceptable.
I felt like the first two stanzas were quite a bit stronger than the last two. The one in the middle was decent. The end didn't quite pack the emotional punch that the first couple did.

There were a couple typos or misspellings as well:

You're were my love You're should be you.

Riffling through the boxes Riffling should be rifling.

*Beakerv* Summary: I think the beginning of the poem was significantly stronger than the end, though I did enjoy it overall. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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