Greetings, amy-Finally writing a novel. ! I am reviewing this piece as part of the Children's Package you bid on in "Genre Auction Fundraiser Folder" .

"Invalid Entry" 

I enjoyed reading this. It reminded me of tales I use to hear about elves and brownies when I was a little girl. Kids like this sort of thing and it helps them use their imaginations. I would also go as far to say, adults enjoy them, too.

I have a few suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

Paragraph 1

lady that lived in
Consider replacing "that" with "who" since Mrs. Elderberry is a person.
lady who lived in

Paragraph 2

So, one day Mrs. Elderberry decided to so something about her problem.
No need for a comma after "So" and also, I'm guessing the second "so" was meant to be "do."
So one day Mrs. Elderberry decided to do something about her problem.

Paragraph 3

That way, I won't have to so a thing for a nice long time.
so --> do
That way, I won't have to do a thing for a nice long time.

Paragraph 4

withe
with

Paragraph 7

in the sink a they were instantly
a = and
in the sink and they were instantly

Paragraph 8

and flew to the window that he had come in through only to find it closed and locked.
You might consider replacing the word "that" with "where" and also, you could also leave out "closed and" as the word "locked" is enough to know it is already closed.
and flew to the window where he had come in through only to find it locked.

Paragraph 9

I'm off too help
too --> to
I'm off to help

Paragraph 10

having to so it
I'm thinking you are hitting the s button by error since it is close to the d button.
having to do it

Paragraph 11

Brownie's are not
No need for an apostrophe here since there is nothing to possess. Brownies is only plural since it is referring to more than one.
Brownies are not

Paragraph 13

flew around the house dusting, cleaning and just tidying up.
It's a good habit to steer away from the word "just" as much as possible. Here is an alternate example:
flew around the house dusting, cleaning and tidying up a bit. (or you could leave it without the last three words as another option.)

Paragraph 16

“Really?”the brownie answered,
There was not a question previous to this, so you might want to consider a different dialog tag, such as "retorted" or "exclaimed" or whatever else you might think of...
“Really?” the brownie retorted,

Paragraph 17

...the brownie flew out of the keyhole. Mrs. Elderberry shrieked and ran after him, screaming for him to come back but the brownie just flew off and left her...
You might consider saying the brownie flew "through" the keyhole as he was not inside the keyhole and then flew out. You also may want to reword the next sentence, perhaps cut it down a bit and avoid the word "just." Here is one example:
...the brownie flew out through the keyhole. Mrs. Elderberry ran after him screaming, "Come back!" But the brownie paid no attention to her shrieks and left her...

You also might want to go through this piece and add spaces in a few areas between punctuation and words, and also punctuation and punctuation.

I noticed the first three paragraphs all begin with Mrs. Elderberry, and then again in the fifth paragraph. Try to avoid repetitiveness such as this, so you might want to reword at least the beginning of the second paragraph.

Here is a great visual...
The brownie twisted up his little nose in disgust.

You are a good storyteller, Amy. Everything seemed to flow along nicely. Most of my suggestions were about typos, so I don't think you have too much work ahead of you to polish this piece off. You may want to indent your paragraphs a bit more and also add a space between paragraphs, mostly for easier reading on the computer.

Have a great day and'
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .