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 Review #4052248 |
 | My Masterpiece  [E] This is a story about how I feel in my room.  |
| (4.0)| Welcome to WDC Sheridan!. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!  Take it all as POV and use what feels right for you!   I was drawn to the title on the Read A Newbie page and thought the concept of a room being a masterpiece was cool!  It made me curious. I get the notion that your room is indeed your private haven for dreaming, collecting memorabilia, and escaping the weary tension of the outside world. Good job. I liked the word "miniscule"  Interesting use of the world "deadline" too! I expected more description of maybe the colours/decor that help with this atmosphere. I could imagine a shelf with your tributes and ribbons and the dog picture (I wondered what kind of dog--just as a visual).also you use the word "holding" twice . I would have liked to see a different word for variety here. {eg "instead of ancient--use the type of dog ; eg my old sheep dog,I imagine you liying on your bed gazing around and wonder what else you focus on -posters. com screen pic, mobiles hanigng from the ceiling. do you write there? It takes me back to my room--though it took awhile to get a room of my own I was the eldest of six and we shared!! when I did it was sure a best place to get away form it all. And I could listen to my own music. LOL I even had a rocking chair! The poem is a free expression which suits the content and I like the repetitive bits as emphasis. You did a good job with the verses each beginning with My room" . When I read "my room, my own" I immediately thought of Gollum in Lord of the Rings". It added some depth of how prized this room is to you. Good call! In the last two verses I wanted to leave off the words "this Is" as it breaks your patterns of previous verses .though I see in the last verse -it could be used for an emphatic effect.  I so enjoyed reading this poetic tribute to your masterpiece. Worth tweaking! Thanks you for sharing a bit of yourself and for evoking my memories. {which are not ancient but old enough!! } Keep on musing.Light on the path as you write on! eyestar    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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