WOW! What an awesome story you have written! What talent you have. You hooked me from the very beginning until the end.

I do have a few suggestions though and you can take them or leave, whatever you like.

You need to tweak you story. By this I mean, read it out loud and you will pick up any of your mistakes. Correct them as you go. Break for paragraphs! double space so the reader can read it smoothly. If you repeat a work or sentence, drop it. Repeating isn't good. Example: It made the familiar sound of steel scraping leather, as he took it out from his scabbard. See, I didn't have to put leather in there again because you have already told us it is leather.

There are many misspellings and punctuations that need to be corrected. But I know you can and will do it. Read it out loud to your self. You will catch a lot that you need to correct.

Gosh, what talent. Keep up the great writing! I hope to see this story again when you rewrite it. Stop by my portfolio and let me know when you have tweaked it.

Lynda~Wishbone Laughing Tree