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 Review #4035928 |
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| (4.0)| A Muse Masters Poetry Review I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.   GENERAL:I haven't had the chance to read a lot of tribute and war poems even though I have written one or two myself. However, I found this poem quite moving and emotional for me. It is really wonderful for a person to give tribute to a soldier. A soldier might seem insignificant and low ranked but his actions are brave and it is because of him that war is won and civilians are saved. Therefore, I think it is really important to honor not only the important commanders or military men but also the infantry and low ranked soldiers. Such feelings encourage the unity and prosperity of a nation. The poem made me realise about the last thoughts of a dying solder. I had never thought before what a soldier must think before dying. But if I do now, all the things are covered very nicely in your poem, the aspect of being remembered, respect, people caring about his death, not only people but the nature grieving over his bravery. CONVENTIONS:The flow of the poem was excellent! It was one of the best I have read since I have been on WDC and it is amazing! The poem flew well on reading it out loud and the meter used was smooth. The rhyming scheme was consistent throughout the poem and it added a good effect on the poem and ultimately, the reader. I would like you to mention if this is a particular form that you used in your poem.  I loved the assonance, personification and the metaphors used in your poem. They were quite good and engaged the reader further into the poem. AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT:When they on stone my name engrave? The sentence structure seems a bit awkward here. I know if means that when they engrave my name on the stone but maybe adding punctuation would help the reader? As wreaths and tears fell by my feet? Just a suggestion but I think this would be better "As wreaths and tears fall by my feet?" Your rhyme scheme is steady and consistent throughout, but in the first stanza, you have a thorn line. This broke the pleasing pattern for me as I wondered about the rhyming scheme of the rest of the poem and then the first and last two lines. The flow is interrupted here: A, X, B, B, C, C, and so on. The rest of your poem maintained a consistent rhyme scheme, and I think you could improve the flow if you changed that one odd rhyme. One thing that I think was missed in this poem was family. The dying thoughts of a person is most of the time about their family, be it parents, children, spouses, lovers, friends etc and I did not find it in your poem. Of course a soldier wants to be remembered but the first thing, in my point of view, should be the family that comes to his mind and how they must be coping with his death. EXCELLENT WRITING EXAMPLES:While the poem itself was beautiful, the last three stanzas were particularly brilliant! Not on they delivered the emotions well but I loved the vocabulary, the conventions, the flow and the main idea in them! Absolutely amazing! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** A review on behalf of "a very Wodehouse challenge"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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