Hello, hawkmoth

I'm reviewing "The Automaton"  as part of "WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Mod. Challenge" . I have also abandoned my usual reviewing template for something a bit more festive for this birthday week.

Plot: A male prostitute from Maple street is propositioned. He takes his client to a private room and takes a fancy to a pair of jaguar cufflinks.

Characters: I really like the two characters you've created for this story, so much I wish there was more! I think writing more descriptions about both of them would add more depth. Physical descriptions (even just a little) would do wonders. You described Rafe, but there doesn't seem much point since he's not the focus of the story. The same goes for the pimp, he doesn't really need to be mentioned by name. I would also add more descriptions about the "customer" (I won't post any spoilers )

Suggestions:

More Show, less Tell. These websites are good places to start.
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/show-dont-tell/
http://www.writingforward.com/writing-tips/writing-tips-show-dont-tell
If you had time, you could consider expanding to include more descriptions about the environment, a better lead up to why the MC want's to travel, possibly a hint as to why the customer chose the MC, even (If you were comfortable with it) extend the sex scene a little more.
You might want to consider changing the tag "Emotional" to "Gay/Lesbian". I've written an LGBT story before and received a similar suggestion.

Final thoughts: I really loved the idea! Please, tell me if you ever decide to expand this. I would love to read more.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Bob the Birthday Warm Fuzzy hopes you remember that all comments or suggestions are given with the intention of being helpful. Feel free to use or disregard anything you wish.

Have a great day and write on!
Robyn


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .