Hello, ejkiser

I'm reviewing "Invalid Item"  as part of "WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Mod. Challenge" . I have also abandoned my usual reviewing template for something a bit more festive for this birthday week.

Plot: A collection of correspondences between Mr.Kringle and Mr. Kiser - which quickly degrade in civility

Characters: Ah, this was brilliant! I especially loved Mr. Kringle's response. Since this is written in a "formal letter" tone, there's not much I can comment about characters, but I have made a suggestion that could add just a little more depth (see below).

Suggestions:

Careful with your commas. Independent clauses joined by a conjunction need them. "public on a regular basis(,)". These are usually pretty pesky to catch.
I noticed in the first letter, there was a small hint of sarcasm. Although all of it made me laugh, I thought it might work better to make the first two letters super formal and civil, then let the language slowly degrade to "bite me". You could also consider cutting the first two letters in half then use the second parts as separate letters - so you don't have to write more, simply tweak the wording.

Final thoughts: The list of civil right actions made me laugh so hard. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Bob the Birthday Warm Fuzzy hopes you remember that all comments or suggestions are given with the intention of being helpful. Feel free to use or disregard anything you wish.

Have a great day and write on!
Robyn


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .