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Review #4034404
Viewing a review of:
Little Child Lost Open in new Window. [E]
How I felt when my sweet sweet mother passed away.
by Misty Author Icon
Review of Little Child Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Red Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title -
         Suits the poem well. Maybe it would be better as 'Little Lost Child' though? Just my opinion.

Writing-
          The writing is very good. I love how you have expressed your hardship of coming to grips with the term 'death'.
I really like how you have compared your mom's love to a warm blanket, and heaven to a place where angels sing. The poem has a beautiful flow to it, it is a pleasure to read.

Errors-
         "Oh, how she loved me so”.
I don't think the quotation marks are needed here, since you are narrating this sentence just like the rest of the poem. If these words were a direct quote from your mom then the quotation marks would make sense.

         "Kisses the hurts and should be HERE thru the years."
'Thru' is an informal usage of the word 'through' and I think the latter is better, but again, that is a matter of opinion.

         "Please, someone tell me why I feel so all-alone.!!"
The punctuation is a little of, there is a period and then two exclamation marls,when there should be just one exclamation mark.
I think 'so' and 'all' should not be used together here. It should either be 'so alone' or 'all alone' since they both mean the same.

         "Today I’m frightened and feel so unsure,
         She was like a warm blanket, so safe and secure."
I feel the word 'so' has been used a lot, and you should consider deleting it from at least one of the above two lines. You might have done it to keep the syllable count in check, but I think the lines will flow well even without the use of 'so.'

Over all impression-
         I am not an emotional person but your poem moved me. I am extremely sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to deal with the death of your mother. Writing about it is a very good way to channel your emotions. Your feelings shine through beautifully in the poem. Very good job.
I wish you all the luck in the word.

Keep reading and writing,
~Red.

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