I actually really liked the poem. However, you have written it like prose. It might be intentional, but it makes it hard for the reader to read it like a poem, it's hard to judge the flow and pause at the right places. I suggest you to write every sentence in a new line. Ofcourse, that is just my suggestion, you dont have to take it. If you have any issues with formatting, since you are new to WDC, I'd be glad to help.
The content of the poem is very good though, I like dark poetry and you have expressed your emotions well.
Keep reading and writing,
~Red.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .